A641.7.3.RB - Appreciating Your "Real Self"

The process of reflection as it relates to my growth and development has always been something that I’ve found to be very beneficial and helpful for me; however, I experienced an unexpected flow of emotions and difficulty in reviewing my emotional journey and what that journey has brought me to today.  It’s difficult reflecting on the hard moments, but I noticed a pattern of great accomplishment, whether emotionally and professionally, after some difficult times.  This process has shown me that some of my strengths are found within times where I feel at my lowest and I feel that my understanding for this has guided me toward understanding what my “ideal self” really means to me.  After I completed these exercises, I found that I was really trying to avoid certain time period of my life because I didn’t want to revisit certain failures or times of sadness and loss; however, once I built that courage to look at what I’ve experienced and gone through, I started to understand what it means to really appreciate yourself and your accomplishments. The process of reflecting on my emotional journey as a lifeline, my social identities, strengths, and roles I have played throughout my life, has encouraged me to see myself and what I am working toward as a success and a continual work in progress.  I’ve started to realize that I can’t judge small moments in my life as failures or bumps that I will not be able to overcome, but instead as opportunities that bring new perspectives and understanding.

            I found that process of the lifeline development, along with the pictures of me exercise to be really beneficial as a starting exercise.  One interesting pattern I started to unravel as I searched for photos of myself was that I didn’t have many of me.  I tend to be the person taking the photos and when I am in a photo, I am very quick to minimize myself.  I wondered why this was and I believe it’s related to my previous level of appreciation for myself.  This is a pattern that I have noticed throughout my timeline and I think it’s because I focus on the negatives as a big picture, even though I feel like I view the minor moments in a positive perspective. When I started to write out the timeline, I was able to quickly think of the major moments in my life, both positive and negative, and found that generally overall, when a difficult moment strikes for me, I find a way to respond and bounce back.  I never realized this as a strength in myself, but once I was able to layout the lifeline, it became a lot more apparent.  I currently feel like I am starting to trend toward positivity after a very rough past year.  I lost my lifelong cat, Abigail, back in March of 2015.   She had been with me since I was 11 and represented a constant stabilizer throughout my life growing up.  That was the first time I experienced a serious loss and I had difficulty dealing with.  It was a process for me that I learned accept, and gradually understood that it was ok.  As I was finally beginning to accept that sometimes positive moments can end, I found out in November that one of my brothers had died tragically in a drowning accident.  This loss was very different for me because I had a different type of relationship.  One that wasn’t just connected with me, but my family and memories that I shared with them.  I struggled with handling the unexpected emotions that I was feeling ranging from guilt, anger, sadness, and hopeless. I traveled back home for the funeral and felt a moment where I questioned whether or not I was doing the right thing by being away from my family, living on the other side of the country.  Was I letting them down or causing them sadness by not helping or being there? I had a lot of questions, but was starting to accept that it was ok.  When I arrived back home, about two weeks later, I got a call from my dad that one of my other brothers had passed away.  While we knew he was sick, we just didn’t expect it all at once.  I started to shut down and felt an overwhelming amount of guilt for not being able to help my parents out more.  The rest of December and this past January were difficult, but enlightening for me, and then it happened again with our other beloved kitty, April. Over the past month, we’ve been desperately trying to figure out what is wrong with her and why she was withering away in front of us.  We finally got an answer last week that she has carcinoma cancer and we are now faced with the difficult decision of letting go later this week. I bring these moments from this past year up because they represent the pattern that I have started to see within myself of strength and courage to learn and grow from difficult situations and find success and positivity when there is little to be seen.  I used to think that I was not able to overcome negative problems or difficult situations, but after working through these activities, I’ve realized that I’ve been capable of overcoming difficult times and finding success when I least expected.

            I remember growing up and experiencing all the highs and lows throughout my life and feeling as if things couldn’t be worse, or better.  Those moments have shown me that life is always changing and each experience, both good and bad, brings an opportunity with it and it’s up to you to decide what direction and path you choose to take beyond that.  My whole life I’ve never put myself as a focus, as visually represented in my struggles in finding photographs of me.  I have always thought about what my position in life could do to help someone else, and while that isn’t a bad thing, I’ve started to realize that I need to appreciate myself as well.  This exercise has really been one that has enlightened me and encouraged me to focus on the reality that I have control over what happens and what positives and negatives I take from those experiences.  While I’ve struggled some, I’ve also experienced so much happiness and success in my life that I need to give more credit and appreciation to. 

A641.5.3.RB - ICT at the Team Level

We have all at some point or another, experience or witnessed a team that is truly successful at building and maintaining sustainable change.  Intentional change, on a team level, is a “multilevel phenomenon” that requires a strong understanding of how these levels function between each other (Boyatzis, 2010). Whether team development is happening within an organization or on a sports team, in order to maintain sustained and desired change, the team needs to develop and maintain a shared vision, team identity, and multiple levels of resonant leadership (Boyatzis, 2010). The balance between positive and negative emotions also play a significant role in the success and ability to change because positive attractors pull team members toward their shared purpose or vision, allowing them to experience hope as a group and focus on the possibilities, while negative attractors add balance by encouraging team members to reflect and explore alternative ways of taking action (Akrivou, Boyatzis, McLeod, 2006).  The balance between positive and negative attractors, as well as the continued repetition of the group process, can be understood when looking at the success of the Olympic US Women’s Soccer team in contrast to the US Dream Team in men’s basketball during 2000 and 2004. 

            To understand intentional change on a team level, the US Women’s Olympic Soccer team is a great example of success when intentional change is understood and reflected within the identity of the team.  Currently, the US Women’s Team is undergoing a transition, where veteran players who represented the core of the team will be retiring and replacing them is a whole new set of talent and skill that will continue to renew the team and maintain a sustainable change effort.  The US Women’s Soccer team has managed to maintain it’s success and relevancy within a society that doesn’t hold soccer, as a sport, to much regard like football or basketball.  Soccer in America, especially women’s, had to force their way in and it did so through the dynamic team structure that led them to success.  When reading through multiple difference responses and interview of both young and retired players, a common pattern begins to form.  The pattern reflects the attitude and core values that are still central to the team dynamics.  Each player always reflected back to moments where they credited their desire to “do your job for the team” and the idea of “playing for each other” (Howard, 2011). The team spirit and group connection bloomed from the early beginnings of women’s soccer in America.  The women’s soccer team in the 1990’s represented the potential of change efforts in building and developing women’s sports.  The players on this team had the luck of playing with each other for years, as they were the first professional women’s soccer team in America.  Because of this tight knit group of players, they were able to go through the intentional change process several times, each time allowing them to maintain and strengthen their core identity, continue to work toward and mold their desired future, which all continued to fuel the shared feeling of hope as their emotional, motivational driver (Akrivous, et al., 2006).  As the first professional women’s soccer team, they had an emergent awareness of shared hope that continued to motivate them to achieve more and reach their ideal purpose. The team had played together extensively before the Olympics, giving them an opportunity to work through the “spiral of intentional change”, giving them a progressively greater depth and positive impact on the group members (Akrivous, et al., 2006).  The time they spent together and the work that they achieved together led the group to “increase group consciousness, salience, and a shared understanding of the group’s core identity, vision, and purpose” (Akrivous, et al., 2006).  These continued cycles allowed the team to become highly self-aware of not only themselves, but also their changing environment.  Being the first women’s professional soccer team, they were facing new and unexpected situations from worries about filling the stands to maintaining sustained success to prove that women’s sports can be competitive and exciting.  These transitioned into key aspects of the group identity and defining their purpose both as a sports team, and as a symbol for women’s success in sports.

            On the flip side, the US Men’s Basketball team, also referred to as a the “Dream Team”, saw complete failure in 2000 and 2004 Olympics. It’s interesting to think about these two teams and the different dynamics and outside forces that are placed on them.  On one hand you have the Women’s Soccer team, pretty unimportant to the American public when looking at basketball.  The Men’s Basketball team was made up of professional sports players that were representing the best of their sport.  While basketball is hugely popular in America, the growth of the sport elsewhere around the world is smaller, mostly inspired to start after seeing the success in America.  The players on this team according to many where “hastily assembled units of NBA players with little cohesion or grasp of the international game” (Zinser, 2006). The lack of group cohesion and a shared vision for the future made it difficult for the team to rely on each other and play in a dynamic way.  Many of these reasons can stem from the culture that surrounds both basketball and soccer.

            When looking at basketball, the popularity of the sport is obvious.  There are teams at every school, college, and many different levels of professional programs. The development into these systems causes a disconnect between the individual as a player and the team dynamic.  Each player has multiple different reasons, values, and beliefs for why they are playing.  This makes it difficult to integrate all these players into a team system.  In women’s soccer, the sport was in it’s early stages and women and girls around the country were all out to prove something.  There was no final “dream” for soccer other than the Olympics, as professional women’s soccer leagues have struggled to maintain relevancy in America, as well as the rest of the world.  These differences in the environment deeply impact the motivational drivers between the individuals and their relationship to the team.  The US Men’s Basketball team, once a dominate force in the sport, is now facing stiff competition as countries around the world have started to develop and focus their development system for talent to focus on a common goal; reaching the Olympics.  Intentional change on a team level can only be sustainable and effective if the members within that team find balance and cohesion between their shared visions and motivators.  Without these shared foundations, sustainable intentional change becomes difficult, if not impossible.

References

Akrivou, K., Boyatzis, R. E., & Mcleod, P. L. (2006). The evolving group: Towards a prescriptive theory of intentional group development. Journal of Mgmt Development Journal of Management Development, 25(7), 689-706.

Boyatzis, R. (2010). Coaching Teams for Sustained, Desired Change. In The Coaching Kaleidoscope: Insights from the inside (pp. 168-181). Palgrave Macmillan.

Boyatzis, R. E., & McKee, A. (2005). Resonant Leadership: Renewing yourself and connecting with others through mindfulness, hope, and compassion. Boston: Harvard Business School Press.

Howard, J. (2011, June 26). 12 years later, still the best. Retrieved February 13, 2016, from http://espn.go.com/espn/commentary/news/story?page=howard-110623

Zinser, L. (2006). Failure in Athens Echoes as U.S. Retools Its Game. Retrieved February 13, 2016, from http://www.nytimes.com/2006/07/24/sports/basketball/24hoops.html?n=Top/News/Sports/Olympics 2004/Basketball

A641.4.3.RB - Tipping Points of Emotional Intelligence

Tipping points are necessary when trying to create intentional change, both in our personal and professional life.  These tipping points represent our “conscious effort to establish new behaviors or conditions that are different from what they presently are or appear to be” (Howard, 2006).  Our emotional responses and level of emotional intelligence help to guide our decisions at these tipping points in intentional change.  Our emotional responses during these tipping points are vital to the sustained success of change because they guide our decision making, adaptation, and performance (Howard, 2006).  Our ability to balance our positive emotional attractors and our negative emotional attracters reflect our effectiveness and help us to maintain resonance as a leader (Boyatzis, 2013). 

In my own personal life, it’s easy to see these tipping points and moments where I am consciously aware of my emotions and my ability to utilize those feelings to form effective responses and communication with others.  When thinking about trigger points in my professional life; however, I find it a bit more challenging to pinpoint those moments.  As I’ve discussed in the past, I am sometimes my own worst critic, which inadvertently has placed me in a position to see only negative emotional attractors.  I’ve come to understand that by assuming your possibilities and dreams will never happen or that your strengths are not a match for the situation, then you are less likely to avoid feelings of rejection, doubt, and failure.  With that said, I have also come to realize that sometimes we need to have hope and optimism that we can achieve these dreams because in this situation, we are giving ourselves a chance.  By giving ourselves a chance and remaining positive about our efforts, even if we don’t achieve success, we are allowing ourselves to learn, experiment, and continue to practice.  These opportunities allow us to better “cope with challenges, set new goals for ourselves, learn new behaviors, and draw on others for help and support,” which over time, make us stronger leaders (Howard, 2006). 

When thinking through my experiences I’ve realized that the most beneficial moments for me have come from a combination of my own aspirations, someone who believes in me, and the desire to experiment and learn from the situation.  There have been plenty of moments when I have been in a leadership position, but have been fearful to assert myself.  This fear has caused me to be perceived as a passive leader, which has in turn, caused others to lose belief in my abilities (Santora, 2007).  All of these emotional responses stem from several places, all centered around negative emotional attractors and extrinsic interests.  It took a while for me to realize that I had been sabotaging any chance I had for success, but once I finally realized what I was doing, I feel like I am better fit to let my emotions reflect my intrinsic interests (Howard, 2006). 

My first real trigger point happened when I was a student in college.  I attended an art and design university, but struggled to feel like I really belonged there.  A specific moment happened that has always stood out to me as a moment that has positively guided me to my real self and allowed me to maintain positivity about my growth and practice.  This tipping point came when I was in a 3-D design class.  I had no experience with any of the materials or processes and felt very insecure about the assignments.  My professor at the time was crazy in a way that reflected some of my personality; aspects of myself that I hadn’t allowed to come out due to extrinsic motivators.  He was quirky and focused more on our individual process and methods instead of the expected results.  He encouraged creative thinking and pursuing your craziest ideas, which was something I had never been exposed to, but quickly realized was an integral part of my development as a leader.  We were assigned 2 projects.  The first one we were to create an environment that represented layers of depth and movement on a piece of foam core.  The direction, in my opinion at the time, were vague and left me with a feeling of being overwhelmed and anxious.  I researched everything I could for what other people did and what was typically viewed as important points to hit working on projects like this.  I was forcing myself into negative emotional attractors that were guiding my actions through perceived expectations.  I tried everything that felt foreign to me, as I lacked experience in utilizing those materials and then just gave up.  I wasted so much time trying to figure out what I needed to be, instead of realizing what I already was and what I was capable of that I gave myself no time to complete the project successfully.  At that moment, I gave up on those extrinsic feelings and just did what felt right to me and glued a bunch of rocks, sticks and leaves onto the foam core.  I had no plan, no process, and no clue what it was to represent, but I just went with it anyway.  When I reluctantly brought it to class, my professor saw it and immediately said “HOT DOG”, which was his commonly used phrase of approval and excitement.  He was so happy to see someone, in his eyes, step out of the box and do something different than what the directions reflected.  It was at that moment that I realized that it is ok to follow your instincts and experiment with different ideas.  I realized that I didn’t have to fit a perceived “mold” of creativity and success, being me was enough.  Obviously, this experience didn’t immediately change me over night, but it allowed me to become consciously aware of my actions both internally and externally.  This moment was my tipping point for making an effort toward letting go of extrinsic motivators and, instead, believing in my strengths and abilities. 

            I would not have done anything differently in this situation because I feel like it provided me a real moment that I could actually see and experience happening.  It allowed me to go through the process of being vulnerable and also provided me the full experience of having to face my fears and practice my strengths and communication.  By forcing myself to face these situations, it made the goal of overcoming it more attainable and realistic because I learned something from the situation and didn’t die of embarrassment or failure.  Nothing that my anxiety told me would happen, actually happen.  I realized that my fears are what I need to overcome and that my strengths are really my strengths.  This moment allowed me to continue to put myself in situations that I would otherwise avoid.  I’ve come to realize since that tipping point moment, that when I have put myself in a position to be critiqued or judged that it’s ok to not get something right.  These situations act more like opportunities that have helped me develop and learn from.  By avoiding them my whole life, I not only blocked my efforts to strengthen my skills, but I also stunted my efforts for developing a stronger understanding and belief in the attributes, skills, and strengths that I bring to different situations.  When a moment pops up that has potential to impact your emotions, I realize now that it is important to allow that balance of both positive and negative emotional attractors because it helps build a gauge for possibilities and ideas. 

References

 Howard, A. (2006). Positive and negative emotional attractors and intentional change. Journal of Mgmt Development Journal of Management Development, 25(7), 657-670.

Kim, C., & Mauborgne, R. (2003). Tipping Point Leadership. Retrieved February, 2016, from https://hbr.org/2003/04/tipping-point-leadership/ar/1

Santora, J. C. (2007). Assertiveness and Effective Leadership: Is There a Tipping Point? Academy of Management Perspectives, 21(3), 84-86.